I can’t believe we are on the count down to Harvey’s first birthday! With just over a week to go I’m pretty sure I’m not ready for such a momentous occasion!
Sadly Harvey turning one also signals the end of my years maternity leave and my return to work. And right now I have very mixed feelings about both events.
Harvey turning one is both exciting and frightening! It makes me so happy to see what a gorgeous little boy he’s turning into and everyday I can see new physical developments and personality traits growing. I’m excited for what’s to come, his first steps, his first sentence! I’m excited to see his favourite things to do, favourite books and toys and to enjoy all the exciting activities that we will be able to do with our toddler as he grows that little bit older!
However turning one also brings with it the end of his baby year. Where did my tiny sleepy baby go? How has the little guy that could sleep all day become such an independent little boy. I can feel myself mourning his baby days, looking back a pictures of this cute little thing and wondering how time can possibly have gone so quickly.
I’m starting to wonder how I’ll feel on the big day….. excited for the next stage or sad to say good bye to such an exhausting but ultimately exciting year!
Over the past few weeks I have found myself looking back at so many of Harvey’s baby photos. Remembering the highlights and the tough times. The long sleepless nights which at the time felt endless. Harvey took a long time to sleep through the night and my husband and I began to wonder if it would ever happen. Ironically now neither of us can remember exactly when it did happened as it all seems so irrelevant and minor now. I remember the first smile and giggle, the first time he rolled over. His first cough and cold and those dreaded first immunisations (I cried more than him!).
I also remember the tough days when I struggled, thought I couldn’t do it and wished time would speed up so my husband would come home from work and help me! Writing this now a have a sense of guilt and wish I’d never hoped that time (even the tough times) would hurry up! I remember the days I felt like a rubbish mum, the days I cried or felt annoyed with him for things that seem so minor and silly now and I wish I’d never felt that way! I wish I hadn’t wasted my time on those feeings because what I didn’t know then is that I’d be sitting here now with only a week to go wishing I could rewind time and have it all back.
However I feel on the day I know that I have an amazing little boy and so far despite all the challenges that have been thrown in my direction I’ve done a good job! He’s a happy, healthy, determined and independent little guy with an amazing future ahead of him!
‘Mummy loves you Harvey xxx’